Photo Trauma – Future Conversations with my Grandchildren

Why is taking a simple picture so difficult? 

I realised recently that I don’t have very many photos of myself, or the people that I love.  I’d like to take more photos of events in my life so that when I’m old I can look back and enjoy the memories attached to them.  Looking at the sad bunch of images I have now, it will be a depressing album. Here are some of the conversations I can look forward to with my future grandchildren going through my albums:

  • Granny, why do you always have a giant arm in photos?” – I don’t know how this happens. In real life, I assure you that my arms are both normal size.  In pictures it’s like I have one gigantic flabby arm.  Does anyone else suffer with this affliction?
  • Granny, why do you always have a grotesque expression when taking a selfie?” – Well future grandchild, it appears that Granny is incapable of taking a presentable selfie which doesn’t feature slightly cock eyes/ grotesque face. I’m sure I never pull these faces in real life.  It’s quite tragic really – every day Granny was tormented on social media by others’ wonderfully taken selfies.  Often they were taken with seemingly no effort, on nights out when people were incredibly drunk.  Granny endeavoured to take such selfies whilst sober, and couldn’t manage.  So instead Granny decided to take anti-selfies which were a form of selfie whereby she tried to look as repulsive as possible in such images in the hope that people would stop taking them.  However, as you can see, people didn’t.  And tragically, as Granny was not good at taking her own pictures, these are the only lasting reminders of her lifetime.

Maybe I shouldn’t have children, just to avoid these kinds of conversations…